Entah kenapa, kagum aku terhadap mereka yang berpenat lelah sebab menuntut ilmu. sampaikan takde 'me time' pun.
Balik kali ni, i just found out that yati is currently taking occupational safety health course, 4 months. Class on weekdays, weekend balik UPM, class untuk her masters. Yang comelnya, yati sama kelas dengan cousin ktorang, mok ma. Dahlah dalam kelas duduk sekali, depan sekali ๐
Sebab abang aku dah officer, senanglah kakak aku nak masuk bidang OSH bila dah habis belajar nanti.
Sometimes, i do jealous of other people, sibukkan diri tahap gaban despite their pack schedule. When you’re busy, sedikitlah masa untuk berlagha.
Dan lagi insan yang buat aku kagum sangat, are my parents. Since past few years, weekend je pergi kelas mengaji kat masjid negeri. Under MUIP. That’s why pattern of my family changed.. dulu we used to spend our weekend kat kedai buku pollpular. But now, no longer.
After ayah cmpleted diploma dulu, azam ayah untuk belajar tak terhenti lagi. ayah selalu ceritakan lepas dah kahwin, ayang sambung degree kat UITM Jengka. It was a rough times, back then. Alhamdulillah, ayah made it into his degree in business studies.
Abang chor also planned to pursue his master studies dalam OSH.. I remember when he completed his diploma, he was kinda unstable. but i see his hardwork. he masuk kursus tu, ini, kena hantar kerja contract ke Penang bagai.. Gambang..Muadzam..Johor. Tapi among our siblings, dialah paling banyak $$
Lepas raya nanti, yah ada exam.. Cert for accountancy something like that, aku tak bertanya lanjut pun, segan. Just wanna say, my parents, my siblings, are my ultimate idols..
The thing is, im kinda miss my abang. Last time jumpa dia last november, he’s seem to be struggling very hard. What’s app pun lambat reply. Nanti ye sambung master, pjj.. makin susahlah aku nak jumpa dia. Dia ni dah nak masuk 3 series.. aku harap dia tak lupa untuk kahwin.. Bestnya kalau ada anak buah lagi..
Ans i'm missing my adik.. doakan my adik pass with flying colours for her foundation in law exam.. and dapat masuk Uni yang dia harapkan untuk sambung law degree.. Allahumma amiin..
Monday, April 8, 2019
Unshakeable
“Sha.. my heart shattered into pieces..”
As we were walking from hospital, after done with exam last week. It was raining.. alang-alang hujan.. berdoalah..
“Wani.. wani’s heart shattered into pieces, sy dah jadi debu, wani..”
We tried out best, study groups each alternate days.. but when you got specialist for your long case.. you are dead meat.. when you did your job.. as best as you could.., i am still, belajar untuk serahkan segalanya pada tuhan. Kekuasaan Tuhan tu, melebihi segala-galanya. i believe in that.
Betullah kata orang, clinical years is where life gonna torture you in and out, no wonder depression among medical students is not uncommon. I miss those days, when im aiming for distinction.. but now, everyone including me, is aiming for the mere pass. Mohon doakan Aisha๐
“Shah, can we go out after sending off farahin? Sy ajak wan keluar makan..” said wani
“Sure.. kita pergi kubah ria nak?”
Few weeks back, wani cried, because she felt she lost her friends.. it is me, and wan.. because wan dah berbaik dengan 'kawan' dia, so she felt left behind. While Im in other group.. she felt lonely..
There are times, when we dont feel like ourselves, being away from home, assignments every week, bed side teachings everyday, kat hospital, kena marah dengan specialist, exhausted yeah.. trying my best untuk biasakan.. betullah kata senior masa aku year 1 dulu.. 5 years of clinical sangat kejap.. and it is common to see people being extended, in this faculty.. few weeks of each postings.. rasa macam tak sempat nak belajar apa2 sangat.. bila masuk housemanship, struggle dia tak berhenti lagi.. housemandhip kata orang, multiple times harder because you work alone. No more friends berhuha macam zaman belajar.. Senang cerita 'hell' lah kaa orang.. Tapi I know, neraka Allah tu lagi scary..
Sebab tu, never force anyone into medicine.
3 of my friends.., they decided to tukar faculty because they knew, diorang boleh pergi jauh dengan minat mereka, dipenjarakan dalam sesuatu bidang yang bukan minat mereka, is killing them, slowly, everyday.. making they lost their smile..
Aku baru siap memasak sebenarnya. Now i miss Instagram.. sebab i used to post on recipes in my insta story..
Why deactivated Insta, sha?
Sebab i see that Instagram brings more harm than good..
Memang.. banyak je info we can learn from insta.. tazkirah ketuhanan, quotes best-best. Tapi the thing is, from instagram, you can see betapa alimnya seseorang itu, terserlah aib dia.. just how much you rspect a person, tapi you saw him 'like' an inappropriate picture.. wanita pulak tu. okeylah, ada orang lain yang buka ig dia.. bersangka baiklah. *tiba-tiba teringat kat kawan aku.. i was mad a him, tersalah kata. terus dia bagi ayat Quran. Surah Al-Hujurat, ayat 12. pergh, masa tu terbakar syaitan dikeliling aku. (actually it was my ego yang terbakar haha) * Facebook still a better place.. a tleast people dnt post inappropriate picture.. scholars are more in Facebook.
and.. i wanted untuk jaga hati. Daripada usha entah sesiapa entah. Daripada usha artis. Daripada usha benda tak sepatutnya. bukak discovery entah apa-apa keluar. Maksiat can happen, even when youre not out of your home. Betullah kata orang. zaman sekarang ni, nak dapat pahala senang je.. nak dapat dosa pun kacang putih saja ma..
and.. i realized, bila buka instagram, you tend to compare yourself with others.. When you started to compare with others, apa jadi? Kuranglah rasa bersyukur.. Kurang rasa nikmat yang Allah bagi.
Kak Shikin awal-awal lagi tegur.. kenapa takde profile picture.. kita nak deactivate ig kak shikin.. tapi dok tau mana nak tekannya. rupanya kena buka instagram kat web. kak shikin selalu tegur.. pasal dia suka baca blog aku. thank you kak shikin, for your support. please send my kisses to insyirah!
Pastu aku teringat.. event hari Sabtu ni, kitorang kena ada Instagram to vote on one competition.. haila.. later lah aku activate balik. hmm
Anyhow, mohon doakan sha dan rakan-rakan.. semoga result EOP O&G baik-baik aja.. and everyone could pass with flying colours.. insyaAllah, amiin. dan.. doakan sha dipermudahkan urusan jodoh.. semoga beroleh 'someone' yang boleh menyempurnakan iman. entahlah. bagi aku jodoh ni dah macam urusan hidup dan mati aku je.. it is like gali kubur sendiri. hm. tapi kalau tak jumpa jodoh lagi pun, it is a good thing.. because being protected from gali-ing own kubur.. #eh?
"Jodoh dan mati tu rahsia Allah, it is written, darling"
Love,
Sha,
As we were walking from hospital, after done with exam last week. It was raining.. alang-alang hujan.. berdoalah..
“Wani.. wani’s heart shattered into pieces, sy dah jadi debu, wani..”
We tried out best, study groups each alternate days.. but when you got specialist for your long case.. you are dead meat.. when you did your job.. as best as you could.., i am still, belajar untuk serahkan segalanya pada tuhan. Kekuasaan Tuhan tu, melebihi segala-galanya. i believe in that.
Betullah kata orang, clinical years is where life gonna torture you in and out, no wonder depression among medical students is not uncommon. I miss those days, when im aiming for distinction.. but now, everyone including me, is aiming for the mere pass. Mohon doakan Aisha๐
“Shah, can we go out after sending off farahin? Sy ajak wan keluar makan..” said wani
“Sure.. kita pergi kubah ria nak?”
Few weeks back, wani cried, because she felt she lost her friends.. it is me, and wan.. because wan dah berbaik dengan 'kawan' dia, so she felt left behind. While Im in other group.. she felt lonely..
There are times, when we dont feel like ourselves, being away from home, assignments every week, bed side teachings everyday, kat hospital, kena marah dengan specialist, exhausted yeah.. trying my best untuk biasakan.. betullah kata senior masa aku year 1 dulu.. 5 years of clinical sangat kejap.. and it is common to see people being extended, in this faculty.. few weeks of each postings.. rasa macam tak sempat nak belajar apa2 sangat.. bila masuk housemanship, struggle dia tak berhenti lagi.. housemandhip kata orang, multiple times harder because you work alone. No more friends berhuha macam zaman belajar.. Senang cerita 'hell' lah kaa orang.. Tapi I know, neraka Allah tu lagi scary..
Sebab tu, never force anyone into medicine.
3 of my friends.., they decided to tukar faculty because they knew, diorang boleh pergi jauh dengan minat mereka, dipenjarakan dalam sesuatu bidang yang bukan minat mereka, is killing them, slowly, everyday.. making they lost their smile..
Aku baru siap memasak sebenarnya. Now i miss Instagram.. sebab i used to post on recipes in my insta story..
Why deactivated Insta, sha?
Sebab i see that Instagram brings more harm than good..
Memang.. banyak je info we can learn from insta.. tazkirah ketuhanan, quotes best-best. Tapi the thing is, from instagram, you can see betapa alimnya seseorang itu, terserlah aib dia.. just how much you rspect a person, tapi you saw him 'like' an inappropriate picture.. wanita pulak tu. okeylah, ada orang lain yang buka ig dia.. bersangka baiklah. *tiba-tiba teringat kat kawan aku.. i was mad a him, tersalah kata. terus dia bagi ayat Quran. Surah Al-Hujurat, ayat 12. pergh, masa tu terbakar syaitan dikeliling aku. (actually it was my ego yang terbakar haha) * Facebook still a better place.. a tleast people dnt post inappropriate picture.. scholars are more in Facebook.
and.. i wanted untuk jaga hati. Daripada usha entah sesiapa entah. Daripada usha artis. Daripada usha benda tak sepatutnya. bukak discovery entah apa-apa keluar. Maksiat can happen, even when youre not out of your home. Betullah kata orang. zaman sekarang ni, nak dapat pahala senang je.. nak dapat dosa pun kacang putih saja ma..
and.. i realized, bila buka instagram, you tend to compare yourself with others.. When you started to compare with others, apa jadi? Kuranglah rasa bersyukur.. Kurang rasa nikmat yang Allah bagi.
Kak Shikin awal-awal lagi tegur.. kenapa takde profile picture.. kita nak deactivate ig kak shikin.. tapi dok tau mana nak tekannya. rupanya kena buka instagram kat web. kak shikin selalu tegur.. pasal dia suka baca blog aku. thank you kak shikin, for your support. please send my kisses to insyirah!
Pastu aku teringat.. event hari Sabtu ni, kitorang kena ada Instagram to vote on one competition.. haila.. later lah aku activate balik. hmm
Anyhow, mohon doakan sha dan rakan-rakan.. semoga result EOP O&G baik-baik aja.. and everyone could pass with flying colours.. insyaAllah, amiin. dan.. doakan sha dipermudahkan urusan jodoh.. semoga beroleh 'someone' yang boleh menyempurnakan iman. entahlah. bagi aku jodoh ni dah macam urusan hidup dan mati aku je.. it is like gali kubur sendiri. hm. tapi kalau tak jumpa jodoh lagi pun, it is a good thing.. because being protected from gali-ing own kubur.. #eh?
"Jodoh dan mati tu rahsia Allah, it is written, darling"
Love,
Sha,
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
The Real Helper; Solat dan Sabar
Few weeks ago. Weekend macam biasa, petangnya ‘lepak’ kat
ward. Tengok-tengok case apa yang aku boleh study.
Masuk male ward, Lyn yang dah dekat ward mendekati aku. “Have interesting case
at bed 11.” Riak muka dia real excited menjadikan aku berganda excited. “what
case?” soal aku.
“Upper Gastrointestinal Hemorrhage secondary to suicidal
attempt. Dia minum detergent.” Okey.
Bagi aku, case sebegini, bukanlah melihat kepada ‘one of the
cause of UGIH is drinking detergent and bla bla’. No, no. Tapi, I’m scared that
if the patient turns out to be a Muslim, how I’m going to tackle this problem. How
I’m going to treat this patient holistically, cuba mengislahkannya,
menyantuninya, akan kenapa dia memilih jalan untuk menamatkan hidupnya. Someone
taught me,
Islam itu menyeluruh, bukanlah milik budak sekolah agama sahaja.
Bukanlah milik mereka yang hafiz, hafizah sahaja. Tak. Semua lapisan
background, bangsa kena mempraktikkan Islam. Nampakkan Islam tu dari semua
sudut bidang profesion, bukannya di kuliah-kuliah agama semata. Bukannya di
Fakulti Ulum Islamiyyah semata. Kalau bukan kita yang dilahirkan sebagai Islam
ini, memasukkan Islam dalam perkerjaan seharian kita, siapa lagi?
Ok. Back to the main idea.
Aku nak share satu catatan Hasan al-Banna.
“Wahai saudara sekalian,
Janganlah kamu berputus asa kerana putus asa itu bukan
akhlak orang Islam. Hakikat hari ini adalah impian semalam. Impian hari ini
bakal menjadi reality esok. Sesungguhnya ruang masa itu masa luas dan anasir
yang sejahtera itu masih kukuh dan gagah di dalam jiwa anak bangsamu yang
beriman biarpun kemusnahan begitu menggila. Yang lemah, tidak akan lemah sepanjang
hayatnya, dan yang gagah juga tidak akan gagah selama-lamanya.”
A lengthy nasihat, so apa yang kita boleh conclude?
Sebagaimana peritnya hidup harini ini, seteruk manapun kena
hentam dek lecturer, superior, sebagaimana sempitnya rezekimu pada harini,
jangan. Janganlah berhenti berharap. Dikecewakan sangat perit. Rasa macam a
whole world against you. Rasa macam Allah tak sayang.(Astargfirullahal adzim) Aku pernah alami
kekecewaan yang teruk. Masa tu aku baru 19 tahun. Surat tawaran dah terima, foundation
and interview passed with flying colours. Tinggal buat visa and fly je pergi
India. Berkali-kali aku questioned Allah, kenapa jalan hidup aku macam ni. At
the same time aku failed untuk mensyukuri segala nikmat yang Allah kurniakan
kat aku. Terlampau buta untuk bersyukur sebab tengok orang lain dikurniakan
nikmat lebih dari diri sendiri. Dan sekarang, aku sangat mensyukuri ketetapan
yang Allah atur. Allahuakbar.
“Allah give you more than what you’ve expected”
Allah SWT berfirman dalam surah al-Baqarah: 2:45-46:
“Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan sabar dan
solat. Dan sesungguhnya hal itu sangat berat, kecuali bagi orang-orang yang
khusyu’, (iaitu) orang-orang yang menyakini, bahawa mereka akan menemui Rabb
mereka dan bahawa mereka akan kembali kepada-Nya”
Ayat last tu sangat deep. Rasa macam nak menangis bila meniti baris-barisnya..
Anyhow.. Just put your trust in Allah. Tanpa berbelah bahagi. Biarpun
perit bagai dihiris pisau tajam.. Pecayalah, ada hikmahnya. Barangkali kau takkan dapat tahu hikmahnya didunia.. barangkali hikmahnya terungkai di akhirat kelak..
Love, Sha
Friday, November 30, 2018
To cure sometimes, to relieve often and to comfort always
Assalamualaikum
and hi everyone. i write this within 15 minutes and no proof-read pun so sorry for any typos!
Because to
cure sometimes, to relieve often, and to comfort always.
29.11.18
It was a
very long day biarpun baru jam 11. Gerak pergi hospital jam 7:45am. And I
started to review bed allotment. For bed allotment aku dapat dua katil kat male
surgical ward. Bukan setakat dua katil, tapi dua2 tu depan kaunter nurse which
is critical punya patient lah. Semalam dua2 kosong, hari ni dua2 penuh. Lepas
review, fill in kan logbook, gerak ke femal surgical ward. Ada
bed-side-teaching. Bed side teaching ni salah satu azab dia is Dr akan Tanya macam2.
It is scary. kadang, seminggu sebelum BST tu pun dah start tak lena tidur.
Habis BST,
aku pergi clerking patient kat male surgical ward. Review patient2 lain. Lepas
rasa kaki cam nak patah tu, dekat pukul 11 am, aku rehat jap sambil tunggu next
BST aku pukul 1130. Sebab BST kitorang kat Femal Surgical ward, aku pun tunggu
kat situ. Alang-alang tu nak tengoklah jugak procedure apa available.
Pastu ada
sorang House Officer tengah withdraw blood kat sorang patient yang baru
admitted. The lady is so old already. Since I need another observation for
phlebotomy, so aku tunggu lah.
The HO
started to talk to the auntie saying, nak ambil darah. Nak tahu apa auntie tu
cakap? Auntie tu taknak ambi darah. Nak nak bila Dr cakap Dr nak ambil dari
blood vessel kat belakang tapak tangan tu.. which is very painful. Serious tak
tipu. Bagi aku pun sakit.
So I don’t know
what to do, I speak in mandarin, saying that It’s going to be a while je.
“Oh, you
know Chinese? Good, speak Chinese with her”
Suddenly the
auntie pegang tangan aku and gengam kuat-kuat. Bila Dr nak cucuk, dia tutup mata
rapat2 and genggam kuat tangan aku. Omg, it breaks my heart. Sorry nenek. It hurts.
I know. Sudahnya first attempt tak dapat darah! Cuba lagi guna vein yang dekat
dengan ibu jari. Tak dapat jugak! 4th attempt barulah dapat. Finally.
Alhamdulillah 6th days I learnt so many things
Alhamdulillah 6th days I learnt so many things
Sometimes,
we don’t have the ability to elevate the pain of someone. But the least that we
can do is, comfort them..
And it was
tiring sebab BST habis jam 12:30 pm. Seminar mula pukul 2 petang, dan aku tak
sempat dapat lunch sebab tak cukup masa satu,, , tak berapa ada selera pun satu
hal. Habis seminar pukul 330pm, and aku balik tidur jap sebelum pukul 5 balik
hospital balik.. on-call pukul 6pm-9pm tapi berasa nak tengok patient kat
surgical ward, sebab tu pukul 5 dah gerak pi hospital. Bolehlah dekat sejam
tengok case note. Tak rasa nak clerk or buat PE masa ni.
Masa on-call
pun boleh tahanlah jugak. Mula-mula tak busy mana.. naik pukul 8 lebih, aih,
penuh.. macam2 cerita ada. Seronok sebenarnya on-call kat emergency department.
Tapi tu lah, diorang busy sikit. Syok sngat tengok case, dekat pukul 10 baru gerak..
Rabu haritu masuk OT.. nak patah kaki berdiri dekat 4 jam. macam mana lah jadi surgeon. laktak ah cane pun, im still going to make myself a surgeon. insyaAllah. amiin.
Kisah hari
ni pulak, pagi aku just duduk rumah study. Cover anything that should be
covered. Petang gerak pergi hospital, nak review case note. Habis tu aku
cari Dr untuk mintak cop. Nampak HO ni
cam baik, aku pun mintak lah. Aku Tanya House Officer tu
“Dr balik
pukul berapa?”
He looked at
me and laughed
“Sy pun tak
tahu”
Im laughing inside. sounds pathetic. Balik pun tak tahu pukul berapa. Dahlah pagi-pagi dah terpacak kat ward dah.
The thing is—semua
orang penat, semua orang exhausted. It depends on you untuk treat everyone
nicely or not.. give some kind words.. and yes, seriously i need it right now ;)
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