To cure sometimes, to relieve often and to comfort always

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. i write this within 15 minutes and no proof-read pun so sorry for any typos!

Because to cure sometimes, to relieve often, and to comfort always.

29.11.18

It was a very long day biarpun baru jam 11. Gerak pergi hospital jam 7:45am. And I started to review bed allotment. For bed allotment aku dapat dua katil kat male surgical ward. Bukan setakat dua katil, tapi dua2 tu depan kaunter nurse which is critical punya patient lah. Semalam dua2 kosong, hari ni dua2 penuh. Lepas review, fill in kan logbook, gerak ke femal surgical ward. Ada bed-side-teaching. Bed side teaching ni salah satu azab dia is Dr akan Tanya macam2. It is scary. kadang, seminggu sebelum BST tu pun dah start tak lena tidur.

Habis BST, aku pergi clerking patient kat male surgical ward. Review patient2 lain. Lepas rasa kaki cam nak patah tu, dekat pukul 11 am, aku rehat jap sambil tunggu next BST aku pukul 1130. Sebab BST kitorang kat Femal Surgical ward, aku pun tunggu kat situ. Alang-alang tu nak tengoklah jugak procedure apa available.

Pastu ada sorang House Officer tengah withdraw blood kat sorang patient yang baru admitted. The lady is so old already. Since I need another observation for phlebotomy, so aku tunggu lah.

The HO started to talk to the auntie saying, nak ambil darah. Nak tahu apa auntie tu cakap? Auntie tu taknak ambi darah. Nak nak bila Dr cakap Dr nak ambil dari blood vessel kat belakang tapak tangan tu.. which is very painful. Serious tak tipu. Bagi aku pun sakit.

So I don’t know what to do, I speak in mandarin, saying that It’s going to be a while je.

“Oh, you know Chinese? Good, speak Chinese with her”

Suddenly the auntie pegang tangan aku and gengam kuat-kuat. Bila Dr nak cucuk, dia tutup mata rapat2 and genggam kuat tangan aku. Omg, it breaks my heart. Sorry nenek. It hurts. I know. Sudahnya first attempt tak dapat darah! Cuba lagi guna vein yang dekat dengan ibu jari. Tak dapat jugak! 4th attempt barulah dapat. Finally.

Alhamdulillah 6^th days I learnt so many things

Sometimes, we don’t have the ability to elevate the pain of someone. But the least that we can do is, comfort them..

And it was tiring sebab BST habis jam 12:30 pm. Seminar mula pukul 2 petang, dan aku tak sempat dapat lunch sebab tak cukup masa satu,, , tak berapa ada selera pun satu hal. Habis seminar pukul 330pm, and aku balik tidur jap sebelum pukul 5 balik hospital balik.. on-call pukul 6pm-9pm tapi berasa nak tengok patient kat surgical ward, sebab tu pukul 5 dah gerak pi hospital. Bolehlah dekat sejam tengok case note. Tak rasa nak clerk or buat PE masa ni.

Masa on-call pun boleh tahanlah jugak. Mula-mula tak busy mana.. naik pukul 8 lebih, aih, penuh.. macam2 cerita ada. Seronok sebenarnya on-call kat emergency department. Tapi tu lah, diorang busy sikit. Syok sngat tengok case, dekat pukul 10 baru gerak..

Rabu haritu masuk OT.. nak patah kaki berdiri dekat 4 jam. macam mana lah jadi surgeon. laktak ah cane pun, im still going to make myself a surgeon. insyaAllah. amiin.

Kisah hari ni pulak, pagi aku just duduk rumah study. Cover anything that should be covered. Petang gerak pergi hospital, nak review case note. Habis tu aku cari  Dr untuk mintak cop. Nampak HO ni cam baik, aku pun mintak lah. Aku Tanya House Officer tu

“Dr balik pukul berapa?”

He looked at me and laughed

“Sy pun tak tahu”

Im laughing inside. sounds pathetic. Balik pun tak tahu pukul berapa. Dahlah pagi-pagi dah terpacak kat ward dah.

The thing is—semua orang penat, semua orang exhausted. It depends on you untuk treat everyone nicely or not.. give some kind words.. and yes, seriously i need it right now ;)

Soothing words

Alhamdulillah done my first 3 paper of exam. Esok tinggal lagi OSPHE and viva voce je. Total of 5 papers for community medicine posting. Tapi last 2 exam tu paperless sebab viva kan heh. So far, the exam, alhamdulillah was good, all praises to Allah swt. Alhamdulillah. Mohon doakan seorang aishah ni, ya.

Yesterday I was being a real emotional. Malam tu I dah start rasa sayu. Aishah is being Aishah, dia punya emotional for being hurt tu lambat sikit. Macam biasa, malam tu ayah call. Aku jenis yang kalau parents call aku suka borak kat tangga

Borak2 dengan ayah how was my exam yesterday, was it okey, esok exam apa etc.

And suddenly I tak dapat tahan sebak. I dont want to think of anything except blood screening, kk Lanang..pre-eclampsia, mos..hb..bla2

Pathetic aishah, what happened to you?

Ada benda you have to faham, tak semua yang kita nak, kita akan dapat, and tak semua benda kita rasa baik untuk kita, Allah cakap baik untuk kita.

This happened to me, 2 years ago.

Right after i'm done with foundation.
Alhamdulillah, aku graduate asasi dari UiTM dengan CGPA 4.0 with MUET band 4. Masa tu dalam kepala aku dah aim for the only one-medic. Faktor pertama ialah sebab ayah aku. Mak aku jenis yang tak kisah sangat. Selain aku apply UPU, UM, USM, aku apply for USM-KLE. Bulan Ramadhan tu, dipanggil untuk interview session kat USM Kubang Kerian, Kelantan. few weeks later, aku dapat surat dari USM, I passed the interview! since SPM aku straight A's, Alhamdulillah, so memang aku ingat aku takde masalah dengan MARA. Together dengan surat tawaran tu, ada sekali with surat dari kedutaan India di Malaysia, dimana aku kena buat permohonan visa untuk ke India. That time dalam kepala memang- USM-KLE, Belgaum, Karnataka, India, aku datang!

Little did i know yang the next week tu, was hell for me. MARA unable to sponsor me. And aku takde source lain langsung aku mohon sponsorship selain Yayasan Pahang. JPA memang out. My heart shattered into pieces. Aku dah dikecewakan masa lepas SPM, and now again, aku dikecewa. Berkali-kali aku questioned Allah SWT, kenapa Allah aturkan jalan hidup aku macam ni, semacam orang lain punya pathway easy peasy but not for me. Astarghfirullah. Kalau bukan sebab result UPU keluar the next week, and aku accepted to other medical school, aku rasa mesti aku still sambung bersedih hati, faith entah ke mana. Iman aku masa tu,..ya Allah.. Mak ayah je sumber kekuatan aku masa tu.

These two situations bagi aku, sangat mencabar iman aku. Until I found this one beautiful hadith. Sejak aku jumpa hadith ni, bila mana jalan hidup terasa susah, rasa macam diuji, aku bukak balik hadith ni

So aku nak share the hadith;

“Seandainya Allah menyiksa penduduk langit dan bumi, maka azab-Nya itu bukanlah kezaliman terhadap mereka, begitu juga seandainya Allah memberikan rahmat-Nya kepada mereka, maka rahmat-Nya itu lebih baik dari amal kebajikan mereka sendiri.
Seandaikanya engkau menafkahkanlah emas sebesar gunung Uhud di jalan Allah, maka Allah tidak akan menerimanya sampai engkau beriman kepada taqdir, dan engkau mengetahui bahawa apa yang menimpamu tidak mungkit meleset darimu, dan apa yang terluput darimu, tidak mungkin akan menimpamu. Kalau engkau meninggal dunia di atas selain keyakinan ini, niscaya engkau masuk neraka.”

 HR Ahmad dan Abu Dawud.

Keimanan kepada qadar ada 4;

• Percaya Allah mengetahui segala sesuatu, baik secara global atau rinci
• Percaya bahawasanya Allah telah menulis hal terebut di dalam Luh Mahfuz  “Allah telah menulis taqdir semua makhluk lima puluh ribu tahun sebelum Dia menciptakan langit dan bumi”
• Percaya kehendak Allah swt tidak akan mampu ditolak oleh apa pun
• Percaya bahawa Allah lah Sang Maha Pencipta, yang menciptakan segala sesuatu.

This soothes my heart.

Why worry so much, sha? Why get hurt so much, sha?

Bear in mind, kita kan hamba ;’)

Love, SAM

Community Medicine Posting, Sibu, UNIMAS

Assalamualaikum ;)

KK Nanga Lassi.Aku confuse ni rumah ke klinik dah. 

Dari Kuantan ke Kuching, ke Sibu. Macam nomad je bunyi dia.
Previously aku received a not-so-good comment and I just don't get it why people spread hatred so much. But Aishah remains calm because aishah is being positive! The person maybe received to much hatreds that unable to see good in others.. whatever it is, let's start our new entry!

Sebenarnya I'm quite busy but i don't want my thoughts die with me, so i think, how busy I am, I need to spend some of my time, telling the world the experiences that I gained in this journey. Life is short. Like, suddenly you're so healthy sihat walafiat the next second bad news comes in. Motor vehicle accident. Tumour. Infectious disease. etc.

Harini dah masuk 20 hari aku jejakkan kaki ke Sibu. I was really curious about macam mana Sibu ni, betul ke susah nak cari makanan hala so on etc. Kampung sangat ke Sibu ni. How urban is the town. Buah dabai boleh jumpa tepi jalan ke etc-etc. Tapi alhamdulillah bila sampai sini, so far so good. Bawah kolej ada satu kedai makan Melayu. Dekat dengan hospital pun ada banyak. Kena pandai berjalan lah hehe.

Jadi posting pertama is Community Medicine. Next, Surgery. So let's focus on Com Medicine dulu ya.

Senior senior asyik cakap com medicine ni nothing much, relax-relax je tak stress tapi kenapa aku boleh rasa sedikit bara tu. Like percikkan api tu ada. Maybe because aku join as high committe for research project and intervention program? Well masa ni lah kite nak cungkil segala bakat, belajar sebanyak mungkin, ye dok?

The thing is, aku nak rant pasal tempat-tempat aku tengah pergi dan may personal 'comment' yang aku rasa bila berada kat Sibu ni.

Rumah Panjang Sumbang Ak Maleh

Sebab aku assistant director project for research team, boleh tahan berjam-jam jugaklah aku cari maklumat pasal rumah panjang ni melalui Google. Yes, sangat menghampakan. I got not much info regarding this Rumah Panjang. Well, aku bukannya tahu apa sangat, tapi mehlah aku cerita sikit.

Pokok Lada hitam yummy yummy

Basically kalau rumah panjang akan ada ketua dia. Local panggil sebagai tuai rumah, and nama rumah panjang tu diambil dari nama tuai dia lah. Rumah panjang ni ada 36 buah pintu which is an individual rumah lah. Rumah panjang ni siap dua tingkat lagi haaa, hang nak cakap apa lagi hihi boleh tahan modern lah. Tapi kalau ikut jarak dia dengan the nearest hospital, mak aih, boleh tahan jauhlah. which is almost sejam, dengan jalan yang takde lampu sangat, and jalan raya yang belum fully siap. Penghuni sini mostly kerja sebagai farmer kat kebun-kebun mereka. tapi ramai jugaklah yang berhijrah like jadi cikgu kat daerah lain, ada kerja kat Kuching etc etc. Majority Iban which is beragama pagan tapi ada dua pintu yang christian and dua pintu yang Muslims. Kalau siang hari biasanya yang tinggal ialah orang tua-tua, budak-budak kecik dan ibu-ibu yang housewife lah. Kalau kat depan Rumah panjang diorang ni, masa first time aku datang, dioran tengah keringkan lada hitam. like banyak gilaaa. *updated* Aku nak beli bawak balik semenanjung tapi aku lupa beli masa last day kat kampung tu ;'(

Lada hitam tengah berjemur

Masa aku belajar theory dulu, lecture under Prof Balbir, pasal parasitology, Prof ada cerita regarding parasitic infection. How hookworms can be transmiited from soil-to-foot usually because tak pakai selipar. So aku terfikir, ada lagi ke orang kampung yang berjalan sana sini tak pakai selipar. Sebab even kat kampung ayah aku, Manir tu pun, budak-budak kampung sana memang jenis pakai kasut everywhere. Tapi rupanya, ramai lagi kat sini. Like dorang jalan lebih 200m dari rumah panjang, still tak pakai kasut. Aishah being nice(and pretty =) pesan lah kat dia. "ktak, knak sik pake seliper.. pake lah klak cacing masuk" aku menggunakan Bahasa Sarawak yang tak berapa fasih =,=. Pastu, dia pakai selipar, tapi selipar yang dah putus tali dia. Allahu.

Kalau nak kira berapa kali aku rasa tertampar dengan nikmat yang Allah rezekikan kat aku, dengan penduduk sini, aku rasa dah lebam dah pipi aku ni. Allah, tak terhitung. Rasa macam malu sangat mintak macam-macam sedangkan ramai lagi insan yang serba kekurangan dan yang paling aku rasa menakutkan is mereka yang tak dikurniakan hidayah oleh Allah. Malu rasa. Tu baru satu cerita.

Belum lagi sebab nikmat Islam tu sendiri. Dilahirkan dalam Islam. Ada seorang penghuni sini, dia sorang je memeluk Islam. Mak ayah dia, belum lagi. Mohon doakanlah mereka kembali kepada agama fitrah. Tapi the thing is, bagi aku agak susah.. Because you know orang Iban mostly sambut Gawai. Gawai of courselah ada tuak(which is arak). Dan kalau mak ayah no-yet -Muslim, macam mana dengan food? Allahu. Semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan para mualaf yang berdepan dengan segala bentuk kesusahan. Diuji sebab Allah sayang ;')

So kitorang pergi ke rumah panjang ni sudah pastilah ada tugasa. Macam program keluarga angkat aku  year 1 and year 2 dulu. Kali ni itorang kena buat research berkenaan Knowledge, Attitude and Practice penduduk kat sini  regarding a topic. Lepas dah brainstorm bagai, we came out with KAP regarding Rabies. Because Rabies ni dah macam re-emerging disease kat Sarawak setahun dua ni. Makin lamamakin banyak tempat yang disytiharkan wabak. empat puluh buah tempat jugaklah kat Sarawak nideclared as outbreak. Mak aku punyalah risau case Rabies ni semacam buaya jugaklah. Sebab Sarawak ni kan banyak buaya. Tapi bagi aku buaya kat sungai and darat tu species je perangai dia.. hmm sama bahaya.

Berhadapan dengan pintu gerbang Rh Sebastian.

Kan aku cerita yang kitorang buat research, right? so research kitorang coursework punya lah. Pakai Questionnaire. Jadi mestilah kena buat pilot study. Pilot study kitorang kat Rumah Panjang Sebastian. Berbeza dengan Ruah Panjang Sumbang, Rumah Panjang Sebastian ni fully papan tau. And bahagian bawah dia siap ada bela ayam anjing itik bagai haha. Oh, I forgot to mention that Rumah Panjang Sumbang tu ada kandang khinzir! Life woo khinxir warna pink and hitam haha. Jadi rakan-rakanku merebut peluang untuk menyebut "eh, babi" omaigod. #imnotoneofthemya.


KK Selangau

Okey next, kita masuk cerita pasal Klinik Kesihatan Selangau.(KK Selangau). KK ni bawah daerah Sibu jugak tapi jarak dia dekat dua jam dari Hospital Sibu. Kalau delivery yang other than white coding, memang kat Hospital Sibu lah, so, can you imagine macam mana kalau nak terbersalin kena dikejarkan ke Hospital..? Allahu.. Belum lagi ditambah dengan pembinaan Pan-Borneo highway tu.. jalan dia berliku-liku hang tau dak.. dengan curamnya.. Gerun rasa. Tapi gerun tak gerun, aku tido mati jugak atas bas, Heh.

Depan KK Selangau

Jambatan yang menghubungkan penduduk kampung dan KK. Jambatan tu bila sampai kat tengah, dia bergoyang tau!

KK Nanga Lassi, Sarikei

 Alright next, kita bercerita pasal Klinik Kesihatan Nanga Lassi, Sarikei pulak. Yang ni paling best because KK ni sangat unik. Aku rasa kalau aku lah, kalau aku tak sihat and nak pergi dapatkan rawatan kat KK tu, tak sempat sampai KK tu, sempat aku pitam dulu. Well, blame on my low BP pleaseee. And the bukit. And the jambatan.

Kalau kau tengok gambar atas first ni kan, nampak tak macam aku bergambar dengan kawan aku background rumah papan? Ha, sebenarnya Klinik Kesihatan ni macam rumah. Kena naik tangga baru sampai bahagian registration dia. Bawah KKM ada Banyak jenis klinik diclassify dengan design. Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, Type 4, Type 5, Type 6SS, Type 7SS SS maksudnya Sabah dan Sarawak. Klinik ni hanya available kat Sabah and Sarawak because of the geographical area.


Basically klinik ni takde doctor. Yang datang bertugas setiap hari is Penolong Pegawai Perubatan aka MA dan Jururawat Masyarakat. Mereka nilah the unsung heroes yang sanggup bertugas di kawasan rural area. And they have to conduct mobile clinic sampai ke remote area to deliver medications or vaccines. Memang aku bagi tabik spring lah kat diorang ni. Tak lupa jugak, KK ni ada farmasi tapi ubat-ubatan tu under List C je lah. List A punya ubat specialist je boleh order. List B pegawai perubatan a.k.a doctor. And monthly akan ada visiting doctor here. ha, masa ni lah jumlah pesakit akan meningkat. Dear my future husband. See, betapa susahnya orang sana nak jumpa doctor. if you kahwin dengan I takdelah susah2 you cari doctor ;)

Lau King Howe Memorial Hospital

Lau King Howe Memorial Muzium ni dibina sebagai memperingati sumbangan Mr Lau King Howe dalam pembinaan Hospital pertama Sibu yang siap dibina pada tahun 1936. Aku sangatlh amazed how Mr Lau ni telah menymbangkan sebanyak USD 82k untuk membantu pembinaan hospital ni (dan sebahagian lagi diperutuk oleh Pihak Kerajaan Brooke.) So, hah, kita bergambar sat dengan tokoh mulia ni ;) Bawah ni petikan yang aku ambil dari website http://www.lkhhmm.org/history02.php kalau nak tahu lebih lanjut, boleh google, ya

"When it started operation, the hospital was run by a sole Medical Officer. Dr. Le Gros Clark, one of the early medical officers who had later became the regius Professor of Anatomy in the renowned Oxford University. In the fifties, there were 3-5 medical officers. Among the earliest specialties were surgery, medical and gynecology. On-call duty was equally shared among all doctors. In fact, the specialists had to do more, covering the on-call medical officer as well. Prior to World War II, the hospital had only 3 nurses. The night shift lasted for two weeks with one sleeping day and one-night off. Gradually, the number of nurses increased. Prior to independence, the heads of nursing, matron and nursing sisters, were all Europeans. Infectious diseases were rampant in the early days. Common diseases seen in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s were diphtheria, tuberculosis, typhoid, cholera, malaria, post-measles bronchopneumonia, filiariasis, diarrhoea and pelvic inflammatory disease. Infant mortality rate was high. Ectopic pregnancy was common in the 60’s, around one case per week.

      The workload was very heavy. The use of canvas beds was a common sight. Life was really tough for the medical staff but teamwork was excellent. Despite the demanding work, many had fond memories of those times. "

TB Centre Program, KK Lanang #aishahtahubuatpeaceje

Okey dah habis pasal aktiviti. So nak rant sikit apa yang terbuku dalam hati. Kadang-kala, tak cakap is a sign of good thing, and bercakap pun can be a sign of good thing. Doakan yang terbaik untuk aku. Jadikan aku redha. 

Btw, i'll be having End of Posting Exam soon. Mohon doakan seorang aishah dan rakan2 dipermudahkan urusan. Lepas tu surgery posting pulak. Doakan aku dipermudahkan urusan menuntut ilmu. Lillahitaala, insyAllah. 

Love, Aishah

Interview Course Medicine, UNIMAS

Assalamualaikum everyone.

Okey, so UNIMAS kat mana, ya?

Sarawak!

Pandai!

So aku nak share pengalaman aku interview course medic UNIMAS, bagi lepasan Asasi/matrik/STPM.

Okey, basically aku ialah batch kedua UNIMAS ambil dari bukan asasi dia (PASUM or PALAM). Selama ni semuanya dia ambil student asasi dia atau students dari matrikulasi. Batch sebelum aku sorang je dari Asasi Sains UiTM. Boleh nampaklah UNIMAS dah agak longgar situ.

Macam biasa, untuk dipanggil untuk panggilan interview, result sem 1 asasi/matrik mestilah high and the above GPA 3.5. Tapi bear in mind that mestilah ramai berduyung-duyung orang yang result tip top apply for medic. So kalau boleh, dont just aim 3.5, but above that, okey..?

Kenapa aku cakap interview tengok result first sem? sebab interview dia sebelum result matrik keluar. Kalau batch aku dulu few days after result UiTM keluar barulah tarikh interview dia. 

Kalau students yang dari semenajung ni jangan risau, sebab masa isi UPU nanti, dia ada tulis prefer buat interview kat mana? Zaman aku dulu dia buat kat UPM. Tapi batch yang lepas dia buat kat hotel kat KL, im not sure hotel mana tu. Macam Yayasan Pelajaran MARA jugaklah.

Panel tu siapa?

Okey panel tu basically lecturers yang mengajar kat Fakulti Perubatan & Science Kesihatan UNIMAS. Aku dulu dapat Prof Lela, timbalan dekan fakulti. Masa aku dulu ada dua orang panel, dua-dua tak introduce their names tapi aku ingat Prof Lela sebab dia ada mengajar masa aku year 1. Yang lagi sorang aku tak cam sangat. Satu sebab dia tak tanya banyak soalan and sbeb aku tak jumpa lagi masa year 1. So ingat2 lupa dah camna rupa dia. Prof Zul pun ada.. Batch lepas pun macam biasa, timbaaln dekan ada pergi.. lecturer clinical years ada pergi jugak. Diorang semua nak pilih baka-bakal student diorang ;)

Soalan apa dia tanya, akak?

Akak tak tahulah kenapa akak dapat soalan yang agak senang berbanding member-member akak.

Akak tak ingat sangat tapi boleh lah.

Kenapa pilih UNIMAS?  

Kenapa nak ambil perubatann?

Kenapa kat Sarawak? yang ni aku siap melalut pasal Sarawak ada bukit-bukit and aku nak hiking Prof Lela pun layan je siap bagitau bukit apa yang ada. Malu pulak aku bila terkenangkan balik. 

Ada dapat interview kat mana-mana lagi ke?

Yang ni aku jawab jujur, aku dapat UPNM, UMS, USM-KLE.

Tapi ada kawan-kawan aku kurang bernasib baik.. diorang dapat soalan killer macam

Bincangkan isu pemakaian tudung dalam operation theatre(OT) dalam dewan bedah. wuu.
Media massa melaporkan terdapat ramai graduan perubatan yang menganggur. Pendapat anda?

So tips akak, make sure you tahu perkembangan semasa berkenaan dunia perubatan. Takyah tahu pasal detail sangat cara nak diagnose bla2 sebab tu semua diorang yang akan ajar. Basically dia nak tahu you guys cakna tak pasal dunia luar  macam latest technology yang like mengemparkan dunia medic ke, sexual harassment cases ke. Plus, diorang nak tengok teknik menjawab you all jugak sebenarnya.

Akak, best tak belajar kat Sarawak?

Masa year 1 dulu akak agak depress sebenarnya sebab dapat UNIMAS haha. sebab akak jadi homesick teruk gila and terkejut.  Tapi year 2 akak rasa bersyukur pulak dapat UNIMAS. jauh memang jauh. tapi tu lah. dalam Malaysia lagi. Masuk year 3 lagi lah akak bersyukur dapat UNIMAS.  Nanti akak buat satu entry baru untuk cerita, ya.

Akak, dapat JPA tak?

Alhamdulillah akak dapat. Tapi year 2 lah. Year 1 dulu akak dapat Yayasan Pahang.

Sejak batch selepas akak, Yayasan Sarawak start bagi scholarship for Sarawakians yang ambil course medic. Sebelum ni JPA taja. Tapi tahun2 sebelum akak, ramai tak dapat JPA dah. Batch akak pun lebih kurang half je dapat. Lain dengan batch selepas akak, disebabkan ramai dah dapat Yayasan Sarawak, so kuota untuk student JPA tu makin mengecil, so tak ramai dah mohon sebab diorang dapat YS, kan. Jadi mostly yang mohon for JPA memang dapat. Tapi kalau tak dapat JPA, pun yayasan negeri ada, insyaAllah. boleh mohon yaa.

I think that's it.

Love, SAM

Rant on this Journey

2 years ago, I started my journey in this medical program, without knowing the dark side of this course, what it has to offer and how it made me apart from my family and somehow,  creating new bonds with so many people that I had never imagined before.

No one ever told me that I will be facing 10 examinations within 2 years including one Professional Exam. And no one ever told me that ill be having extra exams for my generic and elective courses each semesters. The pressure, well, no one ever exposed it to me or I was too ignorant about the facts of a medical students. Well, social media is where people masked it with all the happiness of their lives with only 2% of their pathetic story.

I stepped into this medical world with so many stories that were untold. That only you will know once you stepped into this programme.

Despite of all the dark side, the hardships that I had gone through, it made me appreciate of those small little things, which you will take it as granted unless it is taken away from you, before.

Housemates, foster family, research, my team of APYQs, it was a tremendous experience that will forever be in here, in middle mediastinum (read:heart).

Seizing the good and take the bad things as a part of a learning process, is something that you cant run away. When life give you a lemon, make yourself a lemonade. If life knocks you down, rise up, even no one is there, offering their hands.

Dear parents, or future parents,

If one day your kid got straight A’s for SPM,  CGPA 4.0 for their foundation/pre-degree or any equivalent result  that qualified them to be in the medical programme, please, please, please don’t ever forced them into this programme, unless they are really willing to suffer, and have a great enthusiasm to be part of this healing profession, then go on. Or else, you’re going to lose you kid, and they’re going to hate you for their lifetime.

Parents of medical students,

Give your whole support to them, be a good listener. Monitor them and extra careful when they have nothing much to tell. Don’t let their feeling get buried deep inside into their heart.

It was a pathetic situation seeing my batch mates sleep for just 4 hours daily, coffees in their blood, becoming depressed with all kind of exams, expectations by the mentors and so on. Some even don’t sleep during examination week.

Well, we, medical students knew the importance of sleep during the night and how it helps us with memory consolidation but we are to scare of sleep because of the deadlines, the notes hat piled up like no endings. Thinking like sleeping soundly for a decent 6-7 hours is a crime (well definitely sometimes, I AM part of them. I cant help it.).

For the past two years I’ve been comforting myself that exams is something but not everything. Aishah is going to be well. Keep repeating that, I was, and am.

The take home message(amboi)  from this lengthy post is that, we will be always be thinking that this is something, I need to score this, I think I did it badly, I feel bad, I think making me breathing wasted the oxygen supply of the Earth. (Ok over, hyperbola tahap petala kelapan), the thing is that,

Have some of your time to enjoy, to count the teardrop from the leaves, to dance in the rain, or just listen to the purr of a cat while they’re eating or sleeping.

Have some of you time, spare them to your family especially parents, put them before everything else. If you doubtig of going back home or not, then you should really go back home. They only lives once, and you know in the future, you would wish that you spend more time with them, and make them as your utmost priority.

Have some time and sit back, let others that wanted to surpass you badly, surpasses you. There are things that worth your wrinkles, so make sure you use them well in a useful, on more important tasks.

Love, Aishah.

Human Physiology Explains Hadith Rasulullah saw!

Assalamualaikum everyone!

Couple weeks before Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, it was in the middle of Block 9: Renal and reproductive, when something triggered in my mind. Masa tu lecture Puberty under Dr Hamdi. He asked us to go through the reading materials at home and will have discussion to replace the lecture. Maksudnya he was not going to teach us and replacing the lecture slot with active learning. Banyak jugaklah lecturer start adapting this kind of new way of teaching. Masa year 1 dulu, A/P Dr Willian yang banyak buat lecture macam ni, followed by other lecturers.

Balik kepada cerita asalnya. At the end of lecture, aku ada persoalan tentang hypogonadism and physiology of penile erection. I have no interest to discuss regarding hypogonadism here but more on physiology of penile erection. *Nasib baik aku study elok-elok penile erection ni, dia keluar in block exam weh with 6-7 marks!)

Jadi seorang Aishah pun ajukan soalan kepada Dr Hamdi. Done with hypogonadism part, aku proceed with,

“Is there any relationship between fasting with penile erection?”

Dr Hamdi took some time and he did explain to me using medical jargon (by which I will translate later.)

Stimulation of penile erection requires parasympathetic activation that will make corpora cavernosa to fills will blood and lead to penile erection. And on the other hand, the other stimulus of parasympathetic activity that contributes to relax and digest is by eating. Thus, when you

 Eat àStimulation of parasympathetic activity à penile erection. Bingo!

Having said that, other stimuli of penile erection play their roles as well.

But he added, that is just theoretically and not that conclusive. So just now this thingy triggered my my mind so apa lagi, aku cari kat NCBI! And guess what find out? Hehehehehe…

Yes there are few studies that support this hypothesis and conclusion from that study is that

“Ramadan intermittent fasting might be associated with decrease in sexual desire, frequency of sexual intercourse and serum FSH level.”, Talib, Canguven, Al-Rumaihi, Al-Ansari & Alani.

So jom kita kaitkan dengan hadis Rasulullah;

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w. maksudnya:
“Hai orang-orang muda, sesiapa di antara kamu yang mampu berkahwin maka hendaklah dia berkahwin kerana ia (iaitu perkahwinan) itu dapat mengawal mata dan kemaluan. Barangsiapa yang tidak mampu, maka hendaklah dia berpuasa kerana ia (iaitu puasa) akan menjadi penjaga baginya”.

Ada satu dkumentasi kat National Geographic yang aku tengok tadi, aku tertarik dengan satu ayat dia.

"Religion explains thing that science can't explain"

The sentence not necessarily true but.. Religion(dalam konteks ni, Islam) is supported by science.. or in other words, Science explains Islam!

p/s: Aku sangat amazed dengan negara barat yang not came from medical background tapi knows the basic medical jargon and they even hafal nama ubat diorang. Unlike Malaysian that lack of awareness to know their ubat. Contohnya ubat tahan sakit. There are few jenis of painkiller, plus, they even know what is NSAIDs and indication of anti-histamine.

Since kita duk war-warkan Malaysia Baharu, so why not kita jadikan Malaysian knows more on basic things and lebih rajin cari maklumat melalui laman akademik. Ni bila kahwin 2 bulan tapi scan baby umur 10 minggu mulalah si suaminya meroyan.

Translation: Our body ada dua komponen untuk berfungsi dengan baik, iaitu somatic nervous system(dapat kita control contohnya berjalan etc) dan autonomic nervous system. Bawah autonomic nervous system kita ada parasympathetic(yang memainkan peranan dalam pencernaan dll) dan sympathetic( memainkan peranan penting dalam situasi genting (fight and flight) seperti kena kejar anjing; dimana adrenaline akan dirembeskan). Dua komponen ni saling berkerjasama dan kita tak dapat kawal tapi kita boleh kawal dari segi stimulusnya. Salah satu kepentingan dia adalah receptorsnya penting as a target untuk ubat-ubatan. Contoh? Ubat hypertension(tekanan darah tinggi) target reseptor untuk sympathetic activity. Macam aku mention tadi, sistem pencernaan akan diaktifkan semasa dan selepas kita makan, dan sistem pencernaan ini dikawal oleh parasympathetic action. Justeru, ereksi zakar(penile erection) juga akan teraktif!

...kalau hampa dok faham jugak, aku tataulah nak explain camne dah....

Love, Aishah

December 2017

For the whole week I’ve been telling myself that “Aishah, this 3-days Christmas holiday you must post something, a must!” Yes, yes because I’ve thinking that I’m useless and not done anything much in influencing(?) motivating people or anything for ummah that literally means me and animal has no difference.

Today I see, so many people woke up with the aim of doing good deeds and I am amazing how people think could affect others. Just like how I was affected by what read, watch, etc. And how people touch my heart just by their attitude ;)

I’ve been taking elective class of ‘Learning Disability’ for this semester and Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, I made a good wonderful choice even though I was ‘ is this a right decision? Would this course quite heavy?

Well, what kind of life I’ve go through that aku nak amik course yang agak berat. Well, initially my option was Biomedical Physiology but to think of, well, ‘ bila lagi kau nak belajar satu ilmu baharu?” mestilah When taking biomed physio, senang nak score, medical student right,  and gaining ilmu that will be gained confirm-confirm will be or has been learned in my core course. So after few minutes of thinking, I dropped Biomed Physio and took Learning Disability under Dr Chan, also from Fakulti aku.

The last day of 2017. Maafkanlah sis Aishah ni yang busy tahap gaban that end up continuing her post that should be posted on Christmas but end up on today.

2017. I have been flying numerous time (jap eh kira jap.) sebelas kali for this whole 2017(excluding masa aku year 1 dulu that belongs to 2016) from just flying, macam-macam benda yang aku belajar. Aishah is growing up until one point she don’t feel like something wrong when travelling alone. Mum and daddy, can I go travelling somewhere, alone? Of course lah tak. Sebab I have one little sister yang obsess dengan aku. Eheh. Let’s summarise this year.

1. My big brother got married with his wonderful soulmate and also awesome SIL. Biarpun aku tak balik masa diorang nikah, deep in my heart, aku doakan jodoh mereka berkekalan hingga ke syurgaaa.

2. My second brother habis contract kat Penang and decided to settle down kat kuantan. He just came back from Umrah once habis contract, and now kerja apa entah mak and ayah cakap. Nanti balik aku interview dia haha ok tak berkait.

3. My kakak still with kerja dia as junior executive and macam biasa, tiap-tiap kali balik dari KL for sure akan mengadu how thing goes on in her workplace.

4. My second sister just started her work in Ambank  and yeah, she return to Malaysia for good dah.

5 My little sister masih lagi dengan azam dia yang untuk kurus since beberapa tahun yang lepas(seriously no kidding)

And 2017 depicts that we re having new member in the house—volkswagen! Eheh.

And let’s come back to me, the owner of this blog that writing despite she’s having final exam on 2 January… Well who cares about new year when you have 2 generic exam on 2^nd January and elective exam on 6^th January… my FIRST clerking patient on next Monday.. and, End Of Block 7 Examination that starts on 16^th January. Gone all my life. Haha well not. I’m having big plan ahead. Eheh.

Azam tahun ni? Post new entry regarding Learning Disabilities. Pass Year 2 with flying colors and eligible to sit for First Professional Exams with flying colours as well, amiiin amiiiiin!! Other than that? Just renew my 2017’s azam I guess.

Tahun ni jugak PBL-mate menjodohkan aku dengan budak PBL sebelah and I was like. Dari block 5 year 1 until Block 7 berterusan gossip. Serious talk, please, please, please, guys, jangan cuba nak jodohkan someone with someone else. You tak tahu how hard I have to handle when people keep mentioning A*** to me despite I don’t have any feeling to him. Everyone says he’s handsome, genious, religious but hey, it’s killing me to live on having related to someone that u don’t want to. Please pray for Aishah, please. 

That's it. Moga legalah hati.
End of December 2017.

Love, Aishah

Hospital Visit, GIT

Assalamuaikum and helllloooooo.

Okay since aku baru balik dari uptown and roommate aku keluar jalan-jalan, housemates Sarawakian ada yang balik, ada yang pergi dobi and ada keluar berjimba dengan kawan-kawan (post EOB phenomenon), so I’m all alone! Final exam EOB 7 is done and I have 2 days of ‘holiday’ before we start with Block 8. Korang, doakan result EOB 7 aku dan rakan-rakan classmates pass with flying colours. Amiin, Amiin, Amiin. Semoga kalian dipermudahkan urusan and segala doa kalian, kembali kepada anda. Amiin.

Nak rant sikit on last visit aku ke SGH(Sarawak General Hospital). It was seriously, seronok!

Okeh, So GIT tu apa? GIT tu actually gastro intestinal tract. Ususlah simple word dia.

Hospital visit ni actually dah start dari Block 1((atau known as Modul in other universities such as UITM. Aku dah cerita what block is in my previous entry hehe))  which is dari aku year 1 lagi. Motifnya untuk kitorang being exposed to clinical years and how the setting of current hospital is. Setiap block ada tema-tema dia contohnya Block 3, Haematology and Immunity, kitorang pergi hospital untuk lawat blood bank. So we being exposed to machines and the principles behind blood donating, how to store, criteria, how medical officer there sort blood, RBC, glucose etc. But this time, for Block 7; Gastrointestinal System, kitorang pergi hospital untuk clerk patient yang diagnosed with masalah kesihatan yang berkaitan dengan Gastrointestine tract (GIT). GIT ni along the way dari mulut ke anus and orgas yang associated with it.

Since kitorang medical students ada 141 orang, our coordinator divides us into 3 groups based on PBL(kumpulan kecil untuk melaksanakan Problem-Based Learning. Ala-ala tutorial setiap minggu dimana kitorang diberikan satu situasi and we have to detect what disease the patient have. Then kitorang jumpa balik and discuss together on Friday.). PBL aku fall on last field visit, Isnin 8 January.

Tapi setiap PBL 11 hingga PBL 15 will need to send only 4 representatives for each PBLs; dua pergi surgical ward, dua lagi pergi Medical ward yang lain stay kat fakulti and help us untuk prepare slide untuk kitorang present akan apa info kitorang dapat dari patient. Aku dengan Ho wakil untuk clerk patient di Surgical ward while Faizah and kak Nithiya  kat Medical Ward.

Clerk patient is actually a process of dapatkan malumat dari patient. Dari profile, chief complaint, symptoms, social history, past medical history and any related untuk dapatkan differential diagnosis. Untuk dapat definitive diagnosis, usually kena buat pemeriksaan fizikal atau makmal (Physical and lab investigation)

Kitorang sampai SGH(dari Main campus, dalam 20 mins perjalanan naik bas) around 1:20 pm.

Mak aihh teriknya matahari. Seriouslah kena pakai labcoat? Well, we need to. Cari punya cari, jumpalah bangunan ward. Well, takde lecturer yang join us actually. Just clinician that we will meet them there.

Sampai bawah bangunan, lift penuh. Aini ajak kita 20 orang naik tangga. Habis satu tingkat aku Tanya Aini.

“Aini, surgical ward tingkat berapa?”

“Tingkat 7, shah.”

MasyaAllah. Gaya hidup sihat di tengah hari yang panas bendering ni. Baru je keluar dari bas yang ber-aircond dah berpeluh balik. Naah, it’s okey. Patient family should be prioritized first. Kalau aku pun, aku segan nak naik lift. Their family warded kot.

Tapi Medical Ward aras 8. Hehe. Selamat satu tingkat.

Done part 1. Sampai ward lelaki, lecturer aku panggil kita 8 orang duduk setempat. Dia brief shortly what we’re going to do. Done with that, kitorang berpisah. Each two of us akan dapat patient sorang. Aku dapat sorang pak cik tua. Tangan bertatu.

Masalah orang semenanjung bila duduk Sarawak ni ialah, aku tak reti nak differentiatekan antara non-Muslim dengan Muslim. Even non-Muslim pun nama dia pakai bin atau binti. Nasib baik bertatu.

Kitorang start approach dia. Ho awal-awal cakap (in mandarin)

“You go first talk to him, I read the case report”

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

“Selamat petang pak cik, maaf ganggu pakcik. Pakcik busy ke..?” aku Nampak dia dah sedar tapi tak moving. Cuma dia macam geleng-geleng.

“Saya Aishah, ni kawan saya, Ho. Kitorang pelajar perubatan nak tanya pakcik beberapa soalan untuk kitorang present kat specialist kitorang.” (Aku tau aku tersasul banyak perkataan English. Kalau nenek aku, aku akan make sure aku guna bahasa Melayu penuh. Sebab certain uncommon English nenek aku tak faham sangat. Warghh I miss my nenekk).

 Aku nampak pak cik tu macam angguk-angguk sikit. Okeh dia faham bahasa Melayu. So takpayah aku keluarkan Bahasa Sarawak aku yang agak kelaut. Alhamdulillah. Btw, bahasa Sarawak lagi susah dari Sabah. Sabah at least diorang guna bahasa baku Melayu tau. Tapi kalau Sarawak, hilang terus segala perkataan Melayu dia. Contoh; sekarang-kinek.

Aku alihkan kerusi tepi dia, aku berlutut sambil kepala aku separas dengan muka dia. Sebab pakcik ni macam tak larat langsung nak bangun. Maafkan saya pakcik sebab terpaksa ganggu rehat pakcik.

“Pak cik nama apa?”

“XXXXXX”

“Nak saya panggil pakcik apa ya?”

“XXXXXX”

“okay.. pak umur berapa?” Okeh pak cik ni cakap something tapi aku tak faham. Aku sambung je soalan apa-apa yang terlintas.

“Kenapa pak cik datang ke hospital?”

“Sakit lutut ###” ayat last dia aku tak faham. Tapi dia tunjuk kat bahagian perut dan joint jari ibu jari dia. Aku terlintas gout. Ok. How to kaitkan  sakit kat lutut

“Ada sakit kat mana-mana lagi?” Aku tengok pak cik tu pandang je aku. Tapi tak cakap apa-apa. Aku ingat aku tanya soalan tadi. Ke suara aku tak terkeluar? Ke suara aku dalam kepala aku je? Sebab dia diam je, aku pun masuk ke part social history.

“Pak cik dah kahwin?” Still, dia takde respon. Tapi dia tunjuk telinga. Ting! Pak cik ni ada masalah pendengaran!

“Pak cik dah kahwin ke?”

“Pak cik tak dengar, dekat sikit.”

“Pak cik dah kahwin ke??” Okeh pak cik tak dengar jugak. Aku naik risau dah. Aku dah increase volume aku 7/10.

Last.

“Pakcik dah kahwin ke??” Tiba-tiba aku rasa aku macam tengah goda seorang pakcik tua berumur 86 tahun. 9/10 dari suara aku dah wehh tapi dia still tak dengar. Aku rasa aku dah tarik perhatian patient lain satu ward.

So aku senyum kat dia, aku pergi kat Ho yang tengah belek  case note. Ho ada masalah sikit untuk baca short form words. So kitorang sama-sama bincang apa yang ada dalam case note dia.

Rupa-rupanya menantu dia yang jagakan. Tapi masa kitorang sampai, menantu dia tengah cari makan. Waduhhhh. Begitu rupanya. Lepas menantu dia datang, terus aku dengan Ho temuh ramah beliau. Kalau kamik tauk siklah kmk terjerit kat pak cik ni.. mesti pak cik annoyed dengan I kan. Im sorry, pakcik.

Chied complaint; Upper GI Bleeding. Haematochezia(passing stool with blood). History of taking NSAIDs(ubatan tahan sakit.), malaena(stool with digested blood) haa I think aku tahu sakit apa ni. Sebab pak cik ni tengah transfuse darah. Sah,patient ni berkaitan dengan ulcer in GIT. Tapi aku tak sure peptic ulcer tu gastric or duodenal ulcer. Since communication with patient is a bit of trouble, we have to depend more on case report and his SIL. Tengok result endoscopy; duodenal ulcer D1/D2.

Gais, kalau berak ada darah, muntah berdarah, najis warna hitam, it’s a medical emergency. We need to know what is the underlying cause.

The point of me writing this entry is that;

• 1.       Thank you, thank you any of you, yang mak bapaknya, pernah diwarded, dan didatangi medical students, yang seek for experience and knowledge from you. Thank you for giving us chance to broaden our knowledge and sharpen our skills. You know that you really made a big contribution for helping us becoming a doctor. Thank you.
• 2.       There’s no joke in passing stool with blood(najis berdarah). It could be haemorrhoid secondary to liver problem, any ulcer or it can be anything. Even pak cik yang aku clerk haritu, we need to stop clerking for a while because dia nak defecate and I can see blood in his ‘litter box’(?). Treatment could be surgery (?) or I’m not sure because not everyone can tolerate with surgery. Tapi banyak jugak aku tengok diorang present with Peptic Ulcer Disease(PUD) secondary to chronic(long term) usage of NSAIDs(pain killer for any cause of reason such as back pain etc). Besides, that pak cik of his third blood transfusion for only 1 day ++ since warderd.

I think that’s all from me for this time. Please do pray for me and my batch mate promoted to year 3 and pass year 2 with flying colours this year (and pray for my EOB 7 result pass with flying colours! Amiin, amiin. ;)

East Malaysia, Kuching

Assalamualaikum.
So, it almost come to the end of semester holiday. Tak banyak sangat input yang aku dapat dari segi $$ but dari segi affection, i could say that i got 100%. Family lah, of course.
Well, life has never been expected. Sometimes the path changes to the direction you cant ever dream of it. Setahun jugaklah aku dah merantau di bumi kenyalang berbekalkan passport DPT.

Setahun,
aku belajar erti berdikari; dari kolej ke aiport sorang-sorang, check in, naik flight, learnt on how to 'get new friends aka networking', masa atas flight, act professiolnally, takleh nak berhuha macam dulu, learnt on menunggu berjam-jam fligh delay, transit at KLIA, berlari bagai tak cukup tanah kat airport(i even berlari and tercungap-cungap kat imigresen haha alah bukan pegawai tu ingat muka aku pun =,= so malu ke apa belakang kira.)

Bila belajar kat bumi kenyalang ni, dah dikira kau belajar overseas negara orang kecuali part matawang and politik je yang sama. Because the bahasa, the culture, crusines, adat, adab, sangat-sangatlah berbeza yang buat aku rasa macam in a new world. Dulu ada seribu tanda tanya pasal bumi kenyalang ni and banyak gil benda yang jauh dari what i expected earlier. Sarawakian sangatlah bijak dan cantik. lelaki hensem2 weh sungguh tak tipu. Tapi aku ni hati batu kot. teringat kat orang semenanjung je. Eheh. Plus, biarpun kau ada bestfriends kat bumi ni, tapi sebab lain tempat asal(flight available tak sama in fact in certain negeri takde direct flight blaa blaa, most of the route you have to take it on your own). Bagi aku, tak semua orang boleh ada pengalaman ni and it's worth it.

Dan bila berada di bumi ni jugaklah, kau lihat ramai gila orang yang silaturrahimnya terjalin kerana Islam semata. Aku siap pernah tido kat sebuah kampung dengan kawan aku. Memang baik sangat cikgu tu siap belanja makan, hantar pi airport bagai. perkenalkan dekat family dia. Besides, kampung dekat dengan unimas ni memang selalu student unimas hantar for foster program. And my foster family sangatlah baik layan kitorang macam anak sendiri biarpun language barrier tu boleh tahanlah. You get to learn so much of things that you cant even imagine. It is beyond of theory and only available through experiences.

Dan kat sini jugaklah, kau belajar untuk lebih banyak diam dan memerhati. Kau belajar on never judge a person by its cover. Kau belajar untuk mendoakan orang lain dalam diam tanpa perlu kau mengenalinya. Mendoakan kebaikan keatasnya apabila melihat kesusahan hidup dia sebab kau percaya bahawa doa saudara muslim yang lain tanpa penegetahuan rakannya amatlah mustajab.

I see something, that I never have that chance to watch it Peninsular Malaysia. ;)