Unshakeable

“Sha.. my heart shattered into pieces..”
As we were walking from hospital, after done with exam last week. It was raining.. alang-alang hujan.. berdoalah..

“Wani.. wani’s heart shattered into pieces, sy dah jadi debu, wani..”

We tried out best, study groups each alternate days.. but when you got specialist for your long case.. you are dead meat.. when you did your job.. as best as you could.., i am still, belajar untuk serahkan segalanya pada tuhan. Kekuasaan Tuhan tu, melebihi segala-galanya. i believe in that.

Betullah kata orang, clinical years is where life gonna torture you in and out, no wonder depression among medical students is not uncommon. I miss those days, when im aiming for distinction.. but now, everyone including me, is aiming for the mere pass. Mohon doakan Aisha🌞

“Shah, can we go out after sending off farahin? Sy ajak wan keluar makan..” said wani

“Sure.. kita pergi kubah ria nak?”

Few weeks back, wani cried, because she felt she lost her friends.. it is me, and wan.. because wan dah berbaik dengan 'kawan' dia, so she felt left behind. While Im in other group.. she felt lonely..

There are times, when we dont feel like ourselves, being away from home, assignments every week, bed side teachings everyday, kat hospital, kena marah dengan specialist, exhausted yeah.. trying my best untuk biasakan.. betullah kata senior masa aku year 1 dulu.. 5 years of clinical sangat kejap.. and it is common to see people being extended, in this faculty.. few weeks of each postings.. rasa macam tak sempat nak belajar apa2 sangat.. bila masuk housemanship, struggle dia tak berhenti lagi.. housemandhip kata orang, multiple times harder because you work alone. No more friends berhuha macam zaman belajar.. Senang cerita 'hell' lah kaa orang.. Tapi I know, neraka Allah tu lagi scary..

Sebab tu, never force anyone into medicine.

3 of my friends.., they decided to tukar faculty because they knew, diorang boleh pergi jauh dengan minat mereka, dipenjarakan dalam sesuatu bidang yang bukan minat mereka, is killing them, slowly, everyday.. making they lost their smile..

Aku baru siap memasak sebenarnya. Now i miss Instagram.. sebab i used to post on recipes in my insta story..

Why deactivated Insta, sha?
Sebab i see that Instagram brings more harm than good..
Memang.. banyak je info we can learn from insta.. tazkirah ketuhanan, quotes best-best. Tapi the thing is, from instagram, you can see betapa alimnya seseorang itu, terserlah aib dia.. just how much you rspect a person, tapi you saw him 'like' an inappropriate picture.. wanita pulak tu. okeylah, ada orang lain yang buka ig dia.. bersangka baiklah. *tiba-tiba teringat kat kawan aku.. i was mad a him, tersalah kata. terus dia bagi ayat Quran. Surah Al-Hujurat, ayat 12. pergh, masa tu terbakar syaitan dikeliling aku. (actually it was my ego yang terbakar haha) * Facebook still a better place.. a tleast people dnt post inappropriate picture.. scholars are more in Facebook.

and.. i wanted untuk jaga hati. Daripada usha entah sesiapa entah. Daripada usha artis. Daripada usha benda tak sepatutnya. bukak discovery entah apa-apa keluar. Maksiat can happen, even when youre not out of your home. Betullah kata orang. zaman sekarang ni, nak dapat pahala senang je.. nak dapat dosa pun kacang putih saja ma..

and.. i realized, bila buka instagram, you tend to compare yourself with others.. When you started to compare with others, apa jadi? Kuranglah rasa bersyukur.. Kurang rasa nikmat yang Allah bagi.

Kak Shikin awal-awal lagi tegur.. kenapa takde profile picture.. kita nak deactivate ig kak shikin.. tapi dok tau mana nak tekannya. rupanya kena buka instagram kat web. kak shikin selalu tegur.. pasal dia suka baca blog aku. thank you kak shikin, for your support. please send my kisses to insyirah!

Pastu aku teringat.. event hari Sabtu ni, kitorang kena ada Instagram to vote on one competition.. haila.. later lah aku activate balik. hmm

Anyhow, mohon doakan sha dan rakan-rakan.. semoga result EOP O&G baik-baik aja.. and everyone could pass with flying colours.. insyaAllah, amiin. dan.. doakan sha dipermudahkan urusan jodoh.. semoga beroleh 'someone' yang boleh menyempurnakan iman. entahlah. bagi aku jodoh ni dah macam urusan hidup dan mati aku je.. it is like gali kubur sendiri. hm. tapi kalau tak jumpa jodoh lagi pun, it is a good thing.. because being protected from gali-ing own kubur.. #eh?

"Jodoh dan mati tu rahsia Allah, it is written, darling"

Love,
Sha,